To be honest I didn’t really intend for this to be one of my initial posts on this blog, but it’s been something so at the forefront of my heart recently that it has eclipsed most other ideas.
To go ahead and get to the heart of it, the ‘big news’ if you will, my family officially announced recently that my dad will be stepping down from his position at Houston Northwest to go full time with World Hope Ministries (a missions organization he has been affiliated with for a long time). You can read about how God has been calling our family for some time via a note my dad posted on Facebook here. This has been something that has been happening over a course of time, but has recently just kind of come together very quickly but intentionally. So, now the cat’s out of the bag.
I always knew this day would come, but my mind became so good at displacing it to the future. And even then, I don’t think I ever really thought about what would happen when my dad moved on to the next thing in his life. Now guys, I’m not one to get terribly emotional or all personal on a blog or on the internet, but let me just tell you that this post is not going to be an easy one to write for me. To be completely honest, the reminiscing, memories, happiness, sadness, joy, and weirdness felt through processing through my past at HNW brings tears to my eyes. I admit that at points I will write this post through wet eyes and a choked throat… and I’m not a cryer.. I hardly do, but this is something so dear to my heart.
But why? Nothing’s really changing for you, Riley… right? You’re at college. You’ve already plugged into Austin at a new church with new friends and a new place to live. Yes.. to an extent. But there’s something very different about coming home when things are different. Yes, I’ve moved on, and yes I don’t live at home anymore, but HNW has such a context of being “home” to me that coming home when things are different is going to be weird. Not bad, not less good, just different. And initially it will be a weird different.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to steal my family’s or dad’s thunder in this leave. This leave will obviously affect him greatly and I don’t mean to minimize that impact. But I only speak for myself in this post.
Houston Northwest is all I can remember. Our family has been there for 16 years. It has been more of a ‘home’ for me than my house has for most of my whole life, and I don’t even say that lightly. I’ve spent more of my waking hours there than anywhere else, save schooling. All of our family friends, all of my personal friends, all of my early mentors and leaders, and some of my first employers came out of HNW. I’ve had amazing, crazy fun experiences there, incredibly trying times there. I’ve had some of my most spiritually dark moments and some of my biggest mountaintop experiences. In many ways HNW has been the hub of my life for the past 16 years (which is all I can remember).
But I don’t think that fully captures why it means so much to me and is so weird to consider letting go of. I don’t say this pompously, but I have seen almost every stage of that church’s life. I’ve seen the steeple, the organ, and the pews. I’ve seen the new padded chairs, the cheesy fake plants, the introduction of contemporary Christian music, and the Easter pageants. I’ve seen the vision for growth, and then subsequent growth. Huge growth. I’ve seen amazing successes, and, let’s face it, terrible failures. I’ve seen the inside. I’ve heard the backstories to all the backstories, and the typical rumors and gossip that float around. I’ve seen amazing life transformation stories and I’ve seen people fall on their face, including myself. I’ve seen 2 senior pastors and an interim elder-led leadership team. I remember 3 children’s ministers and 7 different student pastors. I’ve seen all the strategies and all the ideas. And I’ve seen which ones worked and which one’s didn’t. I’ve seen physical buildings built and renovated, plans and programs and ideas penned then scratched then penned then scratched again. I’ve seen the amazing, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In all things God has been glorified.
I think the craziest thing has been seeing the full life of my dad’s ministry and seeing things through ‘PK eyes.’ When he leaves he will have been the longest tenured staff member the church has had. And being a PK (Pastor’s Kid) provides so many blessings and curses to seeing the church through a different lens than most. I’ve seen my dad come home sometimes from church at times and just be dead dog tired. I mean beat. Exhausted both spiritually and physically. That man has given his life for that church and clocked way more than he gets credit for. He is such an amazing leader, but he exercises such patience. And let’s face it, the man is straight up brilliant. He is, and I’m not just blowing steam. Yeah, I might be biased, but you can’t argue that the man knows at least something about everything. And most things he knows a lot about. In all of his knowledge and wisdom he exercises love. And that has been such a humbling thing to observe.
Those ‘PK eyes’ allow you to see a lot, and hear a lot. So many things was I told “Riley what you’re hearing you can’t tell anyone.” Being in a Pastor’s home meant sometimes I inadvertently heard the worst of the worst. I cannot tell you how many times I would hear about someone who was leaving the church in bitterness or had verbally bashed my dad or the church’s ministry. This always deeply broke my heart. HNW was closer to me than anything except my immediate family. Don’t get me wrong, there were people who left with legitimacy, grace, and love. And don’t get me wrong, I had my own bitter thoughts at times, heck, I’m a sinful human with sinful flesh. But seeing so much on the inside, so much of the bitterness that all churches deal with (because all churches are made of broken people), was hard at times. For many this would have let to cynicism, and there was a time for me where it did. But God is merciful, and in my parents’ leadership and faithful parenting they discipled me into having patience even in the toughest of situations.
As I grew older and came into high school, for a lack of a better description, I started actually caring about things. My dad and I began to develop a friendship and a relationship that lasts to this day. We began to stay up late into the night often just talking about things: philosophy, ministry, theology, family, manhood, struggles, victories… life. HNW was always a part of our discussion. It was a part of my life, and in processing through emotions I would have about things I experienced there, my dad was always faithful to counsel me and help me.
I’ll make just a quick hitlist of just some hard lessons I learned through 16 years of worshipping, fellowshipping and working at Houston Northwest:
- If you base your vision for a church on a man or a program, and invest all that you are into it, you will ultimately be let down. Base your vision on God, and be faithful to Him. He might use a man or a program, but he certainly is not either of those.
- If you work hard for others and not unto the Lord, you’ll be left dissatisfied. People are people. God is God. Approval from man tastes sweet on the tongue, but doesn’t fulfill the appetite. Slaving away for man’s approval will leave you worn out, tired, wasted, and useless. Instead entrust your work to the Lord.
- If you don’t have patience and love in all you do, you will harbor bitterness and become ineffective in your ministry. Bitterness leads nowhere but to sin. Carry yourself in love, grace, and kindness. Most of the times the finger you point at others should also point back to yourself. And when that realization is made, then the Cross and the Gospel’s universal truth seem much more poignant.
- Before you say or do anything, and as you say/do it, and after… think of and enjoy the Gospel. If we don’t fight sin and build ministries on the Gospel, they’ll crumble. If we don’t build words on Gospel truth, they’ll fail. If we don’t encourage other people in the Gospel, but with other means, they won’t be refreshed.
I’m realizing how this post is continuing that I’ll never be able to finish this post. I literally cannot describe how much that church means to me. And it’s not a specific person, it’s not a specific ministry philosophy, heck I’ll tell you that. I’ve seen them all there, and I still love the place. Because I’ve realized it’s not a place, not a location that I’m attached to, it’s a family. It’s a church family; a church community. A faithful body of believers that have very much been a humungous part of my life. And that’s what a church is supposed to be. I could write for hours longer on anything I’ve touched on here.. the philosophies I’ve witnessed, the people I’ve seen, the experiences I’ve had. The fears and joys I’ve experienced. But that time is not now.
And I know that my family isn’t leaving Houston for the time being, and maybe not even leaving Houston Northwest. But the feeling of the inside role my family has played in HNW will be hard to let loose of. It’s going to be difficult. It’s not going to be easy. But I know this next chapter of my life is going to be an awesome one, and even so much more so for the church. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Houston Northwest. It is going to be SO amazingly exciting.
So here’s to you HNW, and all you have meant to me. May you continue to grow and flourish in a love for the Gospel, God, the world, and each other. I love you with all my heart.
In Christ
-Riley
